Where did “Coping to Success” come from?

Coping we all do. Success is the tricky part. It doesn’t have to be even success. The idea is moving from one state to the other but moving forward not backwards is the goal.

Have I coped to success? Hell no! If the title has misled you to thinking this is a guide I bid you adieu now.

The more I think about things the more I think I can’t be alone in this thought. I also recognize that my sisters and friends may be on the verge of burnout as I process these thoughts.

So, this is where Coping to Success was born.

In a therapy session my therapist Lou-Anne suggested to me I read a book “Codependent no more” by Melody Beattie- I was insulted. I challenged her / the audacity of this person who I have bared my soul to even suggesting this was outrageous to me. “You may call it codependence Lou-Anne but I call it coping.” She knew I was triggered and simply ask that I read it and share my thoughts with her after.

A month later we met and the first words I uttered “Well for fuck sake looks like I’m codependent.”

Codependent. I hate that word. It feels demeaning.

Melody Beattie’s definition of codependence-Codependent person is one who has let another person’s behavior affect him or her, and who is obsessed with controlling that person’s behavior. The other person might be a child, an adult, a lover, a spouse, a brother, a sister, a grandparent, a parent, a client, or a best friend. He or she could be an alcoholic, a drug addict, a mentally or physically ill person, a normal person who occasionally has sad feelings, or one of the people mentioned earlier. But, the heart of the definition and recovery lies not in the other person—no matter how much we believe it does. It lies in ourselves.

My “Coles notes” definition is changing your behaviour to accommodate someone else’s.

News flash! I challenge you to find someone who does not do this.

Of course Lou-Anne wasn’t trying to shame me, she was inviting me to look at things through a different lens. If we are at least aware of our tendencies, we can then be mindful of the why that drives us to react the way we do.

I still prefer coping as oppose to co-dependent

So this is where the title of my blog came from as I always want to be evolving and learning. We need to cope through the unknown to get to the other side. Today prepares us for tomorrow.

So to quote Baz Luhrman with a slight twist:

…Whereas the rest of my thoughts has no basis more reliable than my own meandering experience...I will dispense these thoughts now.